I’m not talking sexual intimacy.
I’m talking about feeling you get with you have a close conversation with someone who listens, looks you in the eye, hears you, speaks back, allows you to feel vulnerable and makes you feel loved.
Here’s a great quote from Geneen Roth’s book, When Food is Love.
“Intimacy is not something that just happens between two people; it is a way of being alive at every moment in our life. At every moment, we are choosing to either… to value ourselves or to diminish ourselves, to tell the truth or to hide…”
Frequently, when we desire an intimate connection and don’t have someone to connect with, we look for ways to comfort ourselves. Often turning to food or alcohol for that comfort.
If you do think you are replacing intimacy with food or alcohol, what would happen if you recognized your desire for an emotionally intimate connection, owned it and just sat with it, rather than stuffing it down?
And what if you felt the sensation of your vulnerability? What would it feel like? Would it feel like a pain, an upset stomach, fear or something else?
Then what are the thoughts and memories that come up? And listen to them without passing judgement.
Often simply knowing where the feeling is coming from gives you the opportunity to look and say, “yes, I understand and it’s okay to feel this way.”
Once you’ve acknowledged the reason for this feeling, say something that is comforting to you. This is an important step because it creates space between the chaotic ruminating and slows the negative thoughts in your mind. Saying something like, I am in complete control and I love myself is simple yet enormously powerful.
What do you think? Food for thought, right?